Like the nasty wretched stench of vomit in your car that won’t go away, it looks like analytics are here to stay.
I knew this day would come, SOL (Sigh Out Loud). The cancer that is analytics has somehow taken over. How could something thought to be so benign turn into something so deadly?
It was just a nerd who was a night security guard at a pork and beans factory right? It’s just some geeks crunching numbers right? It’s just a new way to look at numbers right?
No, this is like a property developer vs. a community board trying to save their parks and institutions only instead of P&Ls, now their bottom line is “Ws and Ls.”
And so the corporate behemoth rolls on, and rolls over whoever stands in it’s way.
Power wins games. Not contact. Not stealing bases. This is how you play baseball. Um, have you fucking nerds ever heard of the KC Royals in the 80s? Do you even know who Whitey “The Rat” is? Wilson Washington & White is not a law firm you pricks. If we did it your way, we would never have gotten to see those teams.
Strikeouts are good. Are you fucking kidding me? Joe D would dick slap you fucking nerds.
Sometimes I wish that Bill James had stumbled one night and fell into the canning cement mixer and ended up in those cans of pork and beans.
Ditto Tom Tango, another fucking nerd whose major achievement was figuring out pitchers got hit harder the third time through the batting order.
How is a kid supposed to learn how to get out of trouble on his own? You’re stunting his growth as a pitcher. Figuring out how to get out of jams is part of life.
While we’re at it, hey fuck you Billy Beane. Never won shit in your life. Hiding behind your small market payroll but when Boston offered you the job you pussied out and said you wanted to raise your daughter?
You put hundreds of scouts out of work who have nothing to fall back on, in favor of NASA scientists who were nostalgic about their little league days? Yeah I’m sure they’ll have a tough time finding a new job.
Then you have this fat kid from Seattle, a former poker player, college dropout, one day decides he wants to learn how to throw harder. So he studies and studies and studies all the ways to throw harder. Using technology he says.
Now guess how hard he throws. He brags that now he can throw…68 mph. Yes. 68 miles per hour. I shit you not.
So what do the Cincinnati Reds do? They entrusted their whole pitching program on a fat -- who is proud he can throw 68 mph. Mamma Mia! Only in America, folks.
A high school pitching coach becomes his disciple, beats Brian Cashman over the head with his Big Data and now he is the pitching coach of The New York Yankees. I shit you not.
Did you ever see the movie Donnie Brasco? At the end, Al Pacino places his jewelry and valuables in a box because he knows he’s going to get whacked. He knows that he let in a rat named Donnie Brasco. As the vultures circle above the rotting carcass of Brian Cashman, he must be wondering if Michael Fishman - the fucking nerd who said wins don’t mean shit in pitching – was his Donnie Brasco.
I knew this day would come, SOL (Sigh Out Loud). The cancer that is analytics has somehow taken over. How could something thought to be so benign turn into something so deadly?
It was just a nerd who was a night security guard at a pork and beans factory right? It’s just some geeks crunching numbers right? It’s just a new way to look at numbers right?
No, this is like a property developer vs. a community board trying to save their parks and institutions only instead of P&Ls, now their bottom line is “Ws and Ls.”
And so the corporate behemoth rolls on, and rolls over whoever stands in it’s way.
Power wins games. Not contact. Not stealing bases. This is how you play baseball. Um, have you fucking nerds ever heard of the KC Royals in the 80s? Do you even know who Whitey “The Rat” is? Wilson Washington & White is not a law firm you pricks. If we did it your way, we would never have gotten to see those teams.
Strikeouts are good. Are you fucking kidding me? Joe D would dick slap you fucking nerds.
Sometimes I wish that Bill James had stumbled one night and fell into the canning cement mixer and ended up in those cans of pork and beans.
Ditto Tom Tango, another fucking nerd whose major achievement was figuring out pitchers got hit harder the third time through the batting order.
How is a kid supposed to learn how to get out of trouble on his own? You’re stunting his growth as a pitcher. Figuring out how to get out of jams is part of life.
While we’re at it, hey fuck you Billy Beane. Never won shit in your life. Hiding behind your small market payroll but when Boston offered you the job you pussied out and said you wanted to raise your daughter?
You put hundreds of scouts out of work who have nothing to fall back on, in favor of NASA scientists who were nostalgic about their little league days? Yeah I’m sure they’ll have a tough time finding a new job.
Then you have this fat kid from Seattle, a former poker player, college dropout, one day decides he wants to learn how to throw harder. So he studies and studies and studies all the ways to throw harder. Using technology he says.
Now guess how hard he throws. He brags that now he can throw…68 mph. Yes. 68 miles per hour. I shit you not.
So what do the Cincinnati Reds do? They entrusted their whole pitching program on a fat -- who is proud he can throw 68 mph. Mamma Mia! Only in America, folks.
A high school pitching coach becomes his disciple, beats Brian Cashman over the head with his Big Data and now he is the pitching coach of The New York Yankees. I shit you not.
Did you ever see the movie Donnie Brasco? At the end, Al Pacino places his jewelry and valuables in a box because he knows he’s going to get whacked. He knows that he let in a rat named Donnie Brasco. As the vultures circle above the rotting carcass of Brian Cashman, he must be wondering if Michael Fishman - the fucking nerd who said wins don’t mean shit in pitching – was his Donnie Brasco.
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